February 2021 

“Trust me, this will time take time but there is order here, very faint, very human.”
~ Michael Ondaatje

“Diversity isn’t diversity and strength of character isn’t strength of character if we shove aside those who haven’t had the benefit of guidance, opportunities or just plain good fortune.”
~Ellen Notbohm

In this issue:

  • Matters of the heart: Why “___isn’t for the faint of heart” isn’t true
  • Children’s books for Black History month
  • The five books you must not read
  • Five new translations
  • Final thoughts: Presuming intellect

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Matters of the heart: Why “____ isn’t for the faint of heart” isn’t true

Have you ever asserted, or listened to someone else assert, that something “is not for the faint of heart”?

In this Valentine month when we talk a lot about the heart and its vulnerabilities and capabilities, that phrase grinds me more than usual. So I Googled it—and got over six million responses. That’s a lot of judgmental braying about an imaginary bar for difficulty and courage.

In my circles, I hear a lot about how autism parenting isn’t for the faint of heart. Being a writer isn’t for the faint of heart. Eldercare, teaching, traveling, relocating. Nursing, hiking, religion, and giant hamburgers aren’t for the faint of heart. The six million hits of my Google search read like a trawler net, taking in everything from Advent season to being Gen Z—faint hearts not welcome.

It raises the question: What exactly is for the faint of heart? Because they’re among us and if we buy that “all lives matter,” how are we going to extend a compassionate and helping hand to the faint of heart rather than mock them?

Inclusion isn’t inclusion and diversity isn’t diversity and integrity isn’t integrity and strength of character isn’t strength of character if we shove aside those who haven’t had the benefit of good guidance, opportunities or just plain good fortune. I myself am faint of heart in more ways than I’d like to be. But not as many as I used to be. Building the stamina, resilience, flexibility, broad perspective and humility to be “strong of heart” is a lifelong endeavor that you have to pay forward. It is for the faint of heart, with a little help from friends.

It’s also mandatory that we look inward and examine what we blithely define as “faint of heart.” Still waters often run deep, and those whom we define as “faint” may in fact be possessors of profound knowledge and wisdom, survivors of stories untold because the stories are too painful to tell, or because the survivor believes no one cares. The Desiderata advises us to “listen to others, even the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story.” In that listening, we shouldn’t be surprised when “dull and ignorant” sometimes turns out to be contextual, not factual, and that “faint of heart” just might sometimes be our failure of perspective.

Warm wishes to all people of heart at all points on the strength-of-heart spectrum.

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Children’s books for Black History month

New books flow into our house every week as I build our library of children’s titles exploring all manner of diversity. Before She Was Harriet by Lisa Ransome-Cline shot to the top of my “beloved book” list the minute it entered our home. It’s a gorgeously illustrated poetic text about all the things Harriet Tubman was even before she was Harriet Tubman, from beginning life as a slave named Araminta, to a girl named Minty, to a conductor on the Underground Railroad, Union spy, nurse, suffragist. This story embodies just about every value you’d want a child to have. Tubman’s was a life for all of us to cherish, whether or not we have children of our own.

 

A Dance Like Starlight: One Ballerina’s Dream is lovely in every way. A young girl in 1950s Harlem, where “factories spilling out pillars of smoke and streetlights spreading bright halos make it hard to find a star and even harder to make a wish,” nonetheless dreams of becoming a ballet dancer, and finds her inspiration in Janet Collins, our first Black prima ballerina. Lyrical but believable, with illustrations you want to linger over. And yes, those are my 35-year-old ballet shoes.

Thank you to Author Kristy Dempsey and artist Floyd Cooper for such a beautiful collaboration.

(I bought these books from my neighborhood independent bookstore. Please help your local indies if you possibly can.)

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The five books you must not read

I well remember the moment. I’d been pelted with must-this! and must-that! messages all day and decided enough was enough. In a moment of great clarity, I realized that all those musts were one person’s opinion, and in no way meaningful directives for me. I looked at all those messages—must-read books! must-see videos! must-go events! must-try apps, treatments, and gadgets! My overwhelming response was: must take nap!

While I am of course flattered when someone considers my books must-reads, the truth is that no one can dictate must-read books for you, or for anyone else. Only you can decide what’s worthy of your time and money given your unique needs. The opinions and experiences of others can serve as guidelines or considerations, but not have-to’s. So I’m going to head in the opposite directions and offer you five must-not-read books:

1. Any book that bores you to tears.

2. Any book that makes you regret or resent the time you spent with it.

3. Any book that makes you feel like a bad/stupid person when you know you’re not.

4. Any book promising miracles, quick fixes, or “the only solution” you’ll ever need.

And lastly, very importantly:

5. Any book that smells bad!

What would you add to this list?

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New translations

I’m delighted to welcome these new translations to our growing global family. Please let me know if you need help locating a vendor. I’m happy to put you in touch with the publishers.

Autismo & Asperger: 1001 grandes ideias para pais e profissionais – Portuguese

10 věcí, které by vaše dítě s autismem chtělo – Czech

Dix choses que chaque enfant autiste aimerait que vous sachiez – French Canada

1001 Ideen für den Alltag mit autistischen Kindern und Jugendlichen – German. Available soon in audiobook.

Dhjetë gjera te cilat cdo femje me autizem deshiro qe ju t’i dini – Albanian

Coming soon: Chinese, Hebrew, Taiwanese, French European, and updated Italian edition.

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Final thoughts: Presuming intellect

The meme below is one of the most popular ever to hit my Facebook page. Let’s work very hard to extend the thought to all who communicate differently than our own personal chosen mode.

“Without adequate functional means of expression, a child’s needs and wants remain unmet. The inevitable result is anger and frustration, not learning and growing. The ability to communicate, whether through spoken language, pictures, signing, or assistive technology, is bedrock, because it’s inarguable that all children have thoughts that require expression. The assumption that a child who can’t communicate has nothing to say is as patently ridiculous as assuming an adult without a car has nowhere to go.”

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Let’s connect

Find me on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest and LinkedIn.

Visit and contact me at ellennotbohm.com 

Invite me to visit your book club, blog or post.

Work with me. I offer affordable coaching and editorial services for emerging as well as established writers, whether you aspire to publication or your writing is for your eyes only.

 

Until next month–

Ellen